there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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