Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
