Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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