after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
