Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
