Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
