so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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