I cockslap morals
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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