I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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