You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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