She's JV to your varsity
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
