you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
