just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
