final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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