i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
