He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
