How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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