my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
