I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
