I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
