Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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