we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
