Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
