I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
