Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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