Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
