I think im going to throw up on grandma
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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