he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
