holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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