Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
