Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
