I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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