Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
