Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
