Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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