i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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