I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
