This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
