I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
