We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
