Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
