I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
