you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
