Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
