Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
