i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
