"it" just moved
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
smell my finger.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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