i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
