this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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