I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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